In the absence of their village, mothers struggle most
Creating your village: what do you need in 2022?
This new year arrived and I certainly feel more than ever, that I can not predict, how it is going to be. Can you?
First, because this Pandemia is still playing the rollercoaster game with all of us. And of course, also because I am running my own business and I don´t know how many people will need and engage in my coaching services.
But secondly, because I am a working mother. As a working mother with young children I am not able to predict, what is going to happen next in my life, in my year, in my work week. My kids could be at home due to quarantine, home-schooling, sickness or the teacher’s day (which really sums up to a lot of days when you have kids in different schools).
There will be a lot of reasons I won’t be able to work as much or as concentrated as I want to because my kids will need me. I can make plans and set goals (according to my dreams and aspirations), but I can´t predict if my business goals stay dreams or not as I don’t know how much time I will be having to work on them.
As all my prediction to my work life as a self-employed working mother will certainly fail, I want to turn the question and ask something I feel it is important to ask:
What do I need this year to thrive, to live to be happy?
It’s often said that it takes a village to raise a child, and this is absolutely true — but without a doubt, it needs a village to raise a working mother.
How can you build your village in 2022?
The impact of our village-less realities in this world is anything but insignificant We feel disempowered by the many responsibilities and pressures we're trying so hard to keep up with in the absence of our village.
Our partnerships are heavily burdened by the needs that used to be spread among communities, and our expectations of loved ones increase to unrealistic levels.
We feel guilty for just about everything: not wanting or having time to be our children's primary playmates, not working enough, working too much, allowing too much screen time etc.
Not having a village is distorting many mothers' sense of self.
It's causing us to feel that our inadequacies are to blame for our struggles and then we get the feeling that we need to do even more to make up for this. It’s a vicious cycle.
What, if we step out this cycle in 2022 and start creating our village?
I eventually learned that there are many different types of people you’ll need at your side along your journey to create your village. Happily, many of these people may also turn out to be fellow women or even fellow moms. You might have a village population of a cook, of a babysitter, of a cleaning lady, of a friendly neighbour, of a good friend, of a tutor for the kids, of someone who pampers you regularly, of a regular group of like-minded people.
One thing you should know:
Your struggles are not a proof of your inadequacies. It’s a result of the unnatural village-less culture we are living in.
Here are some steps you can take to create the village you need whenever you feel ready:
Believe in new ways
From Neuroscience we know, that our brain can´t distinguish between reality and dream. Believing in new ways and envisioning our future is the first step towards our new reality.
Focus on your needs instead on the needs of others
By Honouring and owning your needs you will improve your circumstances- but also the ones of your family.
Tap into your strength
Which strength do you have? What gives you energy and when do you feel light? By owning your strengths and imagining to execute them in your village if you had one, you will attract the people you need to build it.
Healthy relationship with yourself
Running the race of “never enough” and “everything perfect” we tend to forget ourselves. Learning self-love and self-compassion today and showing it to our kids I see as the most important gift for all the future mothers (& fathers).
Speak up and say what you think
Even you are scared and you might be the only one. Raise your voice for your needs.
Playing your part in the re-villaging of your life starts with being wholly, unapologetically, courageously YOU.
Choose YOUR village this year and have in mind that a lot of moms won’t ask for help—or don’t know how to—so we have to look out for one another and support each other.
One person does not make your village.
Do you need support creating your village and face the challenges on that way?
I am Hannah Böhmer, a Life Coach for Working Moms and women in transition and I am happy to connect with you in a first chemistry session and to find out how I can help you with the challenge life throws at you.
Get in touch www.hannahboehmercoaching.com
e-mail: firstname.lastname@example.org or send me a pm.