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What do we need most when relocating to a foreign country with your family?
What is the most needed superpower?
As expat spouses and moms, we walk through the most stressful situation in a calculating manner. I have been there several times.
These women prioritize the kids to be integrated and the husband to be settled in peace at his new job. They look for temporary and permanent houses and they try to speak the new language in no time to be able to communicate with teachers and the insurance company. But missed expectations and straight up fails are their daily business. It is like to be completely present each second in this process of uprooting the life of a family, but simultaneously finding all potential options and recognize the challenges. So what is most needed super power? How are we dealing with this overwhelm in beginning of a new life in a new country?
It is Resilience we need and what I already see in most of the women uprooting their family’s life. But what is that?
Lexico Oxford dictionary says: The capacity to recover quickly from difficulties; toughness.
The ability of a substance or object to spring back into shape; elasticity.
When we are resilient, we manage better. We will not get stuck in stress or mental challenges. We are able to look for options and we have the trust, to figure out whatever comes. We have “Authentic Confidence and Flexibility” required by resilience to create, manage and navigate more clearly. We can bounce back from stressful situations and recover quickly, which has a huge effect on the success of a relocation.
Superpower resilience- how do I get that?
According to McKinsey resilience requires six personal elements. Elements that can learned, defined, controlled and strengthened.
Purpose and Values – Knowing what you value and your purpose allows us to be confident in our decision and flexible in the new we bring into our lives, as long as they are in line with our purpose and values
Mindfulness – The ability to be fully focused and present in the current situation. They suggest practices such as meditation to train the mind, so that it can be focused at will.
Acceptance – Allowing feelings of fear without resistance will allow you to be present and step out of “your comfort zone”, into all of the new relocation presents.
Defusion – This is about finding those thought that create negative results in our lives. When we are aware that these thoughts exist in our brains, we are able to capture them and defuse them at the thought level, before the results become reality.
Self in context – Seeing the big picture and us with in it. Becoming the watcher of ourselves removes some of the emotional attachment we have to circumstances and outcomes. This big picture helps us to be flexible and confident in our decisions.
Committed Action – McKinsey says that “Developing authentic confidence requires us to think through the changes we want to make in our daily lives.” Our relocations are all about change. By thinking through options, being present,
seeing the bigger picture and knowing who we are.
So in short words: Resilience starts within. It starts with believing in yourself.
Some people say, resilience is something you are born with. In my experience, it is something we acquire in being on the way, in committing to the new life, in believing in our strength. But it does not work successfully without self-care.
As a relocation Coach I support expat spouses in this process of uprooting their life, reminding them to take care of themselves physically and mentally to maintain mental agility. I coach women to tackle their feelings of fear and loss of identity and I support them to overcome self-doubts arising in this process and to actively choose new beliefs and actions.
Would you like to be supported in your relocation process? How do you selfcare in your uprooting process?
Lets have a chat!